that is what my Consultant said at my last appointment. Oh my flipping God! This is MASSIVE! This man is Dr ‘hard facts only’, I love him to pieces, trust him implicitly, respect him hugely. He always accepts my decisions and makes me feel comfortable with them and yet he I would never know if he thought I had done the ‘right’ thing in his opinion. He is highly pragmatic and is comfortable with presenting the facts and evidence but offers little guidance. I have been, at times, frustrated by this but ultimately empowered; I am sure that my trust and confidence in him has contributed to the fortunate position of health I now find myself in. And now here is giving me actual advice!
Anyway, back to the start of the recent
consultation. Since my stem cell transplant and subsequent remission I have
never asked what my odds were, I figured that a) stats were pretty much
meaningless b) I had defied them so far c) I had been told they were poor back
in 2011 so despite my successful treatment I figured my odds were about 15-30%.
So…imagine my surprise when I summoned the courage to ask my Consultant what he
thought, I told him I was finding it hard to move on and plan for the future. After
some ‘umming’ and ‘erring’ he offered an intelligent guestimate (as I am a bit
unusual there are no hard stats) of more than 50% (Disease free survival in 3
years) or, and I quote, “fairly good”……..well bloody hell! This is properly
amazing! And that’s when he went on to say that he advised I “……start making
long term plans…”
Since that conversation I have moved into my
own flat (first time ever moving in somewhere solo) and applied for a
completely fabulous job (fingers and toes crossed!) I am entering a new chapter
and it’s very scary and also exciting, more scary right now!
I am still great friends with my ‘sort of’ ex
husband and he continues to be a huge support to me and despite everything that
has happened we are cool. But now we are learning to live properly separate
lives and it can be lonely. I think for both of us our existence has been
defined by the lymphoma and other pain for so long, now we are having to
negotiate new ground together and apart.
Crazily, life is harder than it was when I was
dying! Back then, nothing could touch me….financial problems? Who cares! I look
like an idiot? Whatever! Now there are consequences, responsilbilities…..yuk!
And I am approaching 41, obviously awesome BUT
I have gone from being a proper professional type person with a snazzy home,
respectable income, mortgage, career etc to working for minimum wage (although
my job is ace) and living in a little rented flat, alone. Yet I have my health,
and it seems a future! So cheers to that.
In other news, loving my Spanish class! Started
Disco spin, which is pretty much the best thing ever and the musical I was in
last year was soooo much fun...there are lots of fun things happening over the Summer, always something to look forward to.
Om Shanti
xx
