whatever

Waiting, waiting.........

Ha, I should rename my blog 'Love, life and LIMBO!'

I am still awaiting an actual date for the stem cell transplant, now sensibly I should...'should' be living life to the full, embracing every moment of non 'feeling crapness' but I am kind of on hold to be honest. I know, I am rubbish.

I have had an echocardiogram which was fine (yeah I have a lovely heart :) - nice) Then last week I had a lung function test, seems to also be fine,  although trying to get   info out of the tester dude was like getting blood out of a stone! He seemed truly perturbed that I would ask if my values on test were in normal range, weird.

Today I finally got an appointment for another PET scan, so that we have a proper baseline prior to transplant. Scan is the 25th October so in my reckoning I will be in the following week.......or will I? I have been saying "yeah yeah a couple of weeks" for flipping ages!

Thing is - I have had so much time to think about it that now I am getting scared! I really wasn't scared a while ago. It's quite stressful as well cos there seems no sense of urgency from the medical bods, and I kind of feel if I said, aww actually let's not bother they'd be like, ok - whatever (this is emotional me talking, I don't actually think that).

This is no fun at all, the longer I am waiting the longer before I am done and dusted and can begin to move on. Anyway, I will stop whinging, I am lucky to still be here.

I was planning to have a last blast this week of sushi and cocktails (both of which will be banned for quite some time) but I actually just can't face it. I just want to hide away til it's all over...

Ok - promise to stop moaning now!

Om Shanti

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