Complete remission!
It's been 2 years since I relapsed, 18 months ago I was given 6 months to live. In the last 2 years I have had 3 different courses of chemo, got into remission and slipped out of remission whilst waiting for a stem cell transplant.
It's been just over 2 months since my stem cell transplant and the results of my PET scan show complete remission. Now this is a bit more exciting than the last remission because this latest treatment was potentially curative, whereas when I was in remission after Brentuximab last year without transplant we knew it would come back........and now there is a chance that it won't. I don't know the stats, I know from experience that there is no point sweating over stats, I am happy to be a deviant.
I am still recovering from the transplant physically, and mentally I am still recovering from the insanity of the last 2 years. It's time to start reintegrating into some kind of 'normal' life, but I am now needing to forge a new life, I can't go back to my old one. In my old life I had just got my UK midwifery registration back and was looking for a job and making plans to work for a while and then having another adventure. I never intended to stay in the UK - I was Australia bound.
In my new life I am not going anywhere! And that's fine, my feet don't itch for the first time in my life! I cannot see myself going back to midwifery, the hours, the stress, the whole thing. Midwifery is not something that I could do part time, I need to be really in it, full time. So, I have accepted that. It's really sad, and I do miss it terribly. I can't watch 'one born every minute' or 'call the midwife' it reminds me of what I can't do anymore.
There's no panic, I don't need to decide right now what I am going to do but it is scarey. I have been outside normal life for so long I feel incompetent and unconfident in actually functioning like an adult in the outside world. It's also exciting and liberating to have the chance to start again, I am sure I am not the first person to experience these confusing and contradictory emotions.
I feel that I need to give back, to try and balance all the kindness and love that has poured my way. I am not sure how yet, and in all honesty right now I don't feel like I have anything to give, having any kind of commitment in my day puts me in a minor panic!
Anyway, that's enough navel gazing for tonight :)
Love and Light
Sim xxxxxxx
Hello Simba, I came across your blog a few ago when I was doing some research on Brentuximab for a project. I am so glad to hear that you are in complete remission and recovering from stem cell transplant. I really wish you well.
ReplyDeleteYour blog has been very inspirational to me and I'm sure it must be so for many others. You are such a shining star and have such life, love and light... it comes through in your writings. I hope we can communicate sometime, if you ever feel up to it. For the time being, I am sending you my very best regards and wishing you much life, love and laughter! Cheers.