Oh my goodness! I have been in such a fug (is that a word) funk (american) well just plain depression for too long! I have been on anti depressants since relapse 2 years ago and now..... Yeeha I am alive and yet cannot afford to live..and have lost all the mojo that dying gave me. Spoilt brat? You bet! But I think I am coming out the other side!
On hearing (see last post) that I should be 'making long term plans' I have been freaking out about getting a career, affording to sustain myself in my flat etc. But what has happened is that I have lost sight of life, and I mean actual LIVING life and making what I have been through count!
But I think I have got it now! And here is the plan......
I need an adventure! I spent my 20's being a mum to a small child, my 30's going abroad to seek (and find) a career, built a house, got cancer, had some personal dramas and now I am in my 40s (thank God) I have none of the above! I have been feeling like I have lost everything, and have been lamenting and grieving and generally feeling sorry for myself!
So....adventure planning...thanks to an inspirational young lady who has just beat Hodgkins too...I am getting my life back on track! And the first lesson from her is reflecting back on the enthusiasm for life that I once had and bloody just doing what you want!! So..Costa Rica here I come! Am already learning Spanish so that's cool..maybe work in a wildlife sanctuary and / or spend time at a yoga retreat but basically..life is ON!!
Long term plan = work towards getting away for a couple of months next year to experience some amazing stuff! And I have come to terms with the fact that I will need to forgo (?word) my material possessions temporarily in order to do so. My mum will look after my dog which is fab, so no excuses. Mney is obviously an obstacle but I am going to start saving, however little so that the Universe picks up on the fact that I am serious!
Also I have just posted on facebook an idea for a business that I am very excited about...
I have a business idea. It's not massive money making but would be awesome. So, when I was 'dying' I spent a long weekend at sacha's house with deb and helen. We went to a show, had dinner in London. Did a 10km run, I was sent up in the air on a bi plane, we had tattoos, fish and chips and champagne on Brighton beach, shared a ridiculously huge bath together, cooked pancakes, danced til the wee hours, watched dvds, had cocktails and manicures and a generally awesome time! What if we could provide awesome weekends similar to that for ladies going through shit times?! Offer accomodation, all meals, pampering, activities out, yoga, reiki.whatever...all commemorated in a lovely photo book. Seek out rental homes that would do us a deal and make bespoke special weekends?? Just putting it out there for opinions... we all know how therapeutic girl time is, and also how when we know someone having a hard time how much we want to do something. My vision would be 4-6 ladies with the spoilt girl going free...maybe a website could take financial donations for the cause and for specific people, it could maybe be a charity based thing with concessions..what are your thoughts FB fam?
So all in all I think life may be looking up!!
xxx
